Hoboy
by piklejuice
Summary: Your basic girl gets dropped into Middle Earth, although hopefully better written. It's fun. And also, the first chapters have been tightened up. And chapter ten is up! Yay.
1. Chapter 1 Part 1

Chapter One: Falling Out of Windows? Yes, Posters? No.

Bliss Wood shoved at my shoulder blade as I mosied through the soundtrack section of Gnarly Dick's.

"Nix, come on. Clearly, you are _not _going to find it here," she insisted.

I huffed. "Yes, I am, it has _got _to be here somewhere. And anyway, this is the last stop, don't get your knickers in a twist."

She paused, raising an eyebrow at me. "Knickers? Really? You nerd."

I chose to take the higher rode and ignored her, continuing my search for the music of "Master and Commander: Far Side of the World." We passed posters for various movies, Bliss growing increasingly impatient as I eyed the selections. Damn. Still nothing.

"Phoenix, it is not here. Give it up! Besides, I've gotta meet Daisy and Lionel for tea in twenty minutes." She scowled at me and I rolled my eyes.

"Tea? Now who's being a nerd, hmm?"As if they'd care if she was late anyway.

Bliss' ulta-cool parents were renegade hippies and couldn't give a flying horseshit of when their OCD daughter showed up. They'd been good friends with my parents back in the Woodstock days, but since had parted ways. With my folks, I mean, not each other. _My _parents had ditched the peace and love about the time my older brother had turned thirteen. The new constraints hadn't bothered me as much as they'd bothered Adam. But that didn't really matter now.

With a sigh, I slumped against the wall to skim the wall of artists. Bliss shot me a look and shoved again at my shoulder, throwing me off balance. My feet twisted and I fell backwards, dragging Bliss with me. Only, we never hit the floor.

We fell down, spinning and knocking into each other. Spirals of light, bursts of color, an obnoxious ringing in my ears as the world dissolved. Then, with a thud and a yelp, it was over.

The colors steadied themselves into greens and browns, forming trees and dirt. Trees. And dirt.

"Phoenix."

"Bliss."

"What. The hell. Just. Happened?"

"I have no freaking clue."

"Where in God's name are we?"

"I've no freaking clue."

"Well, son of a bitch."

"Yeah. No kidding."

"Fuck me."

"I'd rather not."

"Fuck me sideways."

"Bliss...not now."

"Oh, shut up. You know what I mean."

I did. We were smack dab in the middle of a muggy, scary forest with no one in sight. What the French Toast?

After a minute of staring blankly, both of us stood up, brushing twigs and dirt off our backs. The trees were well spaced, but natural, without an actual path. Bliss stood very still and fumbled in her pocket until she had hold of her phone.

"Phoenix, my phone is not working."

"Huh?"

"I have no service. And it's about to die. I think I'm going to have a panic attack."

Ah, shit. I sucked in a breath, feeling close to insane myself. "Just keep calm. Who knows what happened. It could all just be..."I trailed off, having no clue whatsoever what this was.

Bliss shook her head. "I have a very bad feeling, Nix. I don't think we're getting back anytime soon."

We exchanged a long look. What was going on in Gnarly Dick's? Were we drugged somehow and dropped in the woods? Oi vey.

"Maybe we should make like Hollywood and try to find a town?" I prompted.

"Right. Let's go then."

"Which way?"

"_That _way."

Slightly dazed and more than a little confused, we stumbled off into the unknown, hoping for some sign of guidance. Or, you know, a pay phone.

* * *

"Do. You have. A Tex-a-co?"

"No, miss, I can't say I've heard of that particular type of root. Least 'ways, not round these parts. But I'd be happy to-"

Bliss glared at the man sitting next to her on the wagon. "No, nevermind, please just let us off here. God." She widened her eyes at me in frustration.

I offered the poor guy an apologetic smile. He'd been nice enough to give us a ride, after we'd wandered directly into the path of his one horse buggy. He looked shocked that we'd come out of the "Old Forest" as he called it. Hmm.

We hopped off the wagon in the middle of a bustling town, that wasn't so bustling anymore. People (some regular sized, some very short) were scurrying into houses and buildings, eager to get in somewhere warm and dry. Oh, ugh. It had begun raining. _So _not good for my already poofy hair.

I squinted up at a few of the signs on the buildings, scanning for...I don't know. An inn? My eyes stopped at one that not only seemed promising, but was also chillingly familiar. A rearing white horse and the words, "The Prancing Pony." I clutched at Bliss' sleeve.

"Bliss...I think..." A scream cut off my words. Both of us whirled, sudden fear, choking and clawing, closing my throat. The street was empty but another screech filled the silence. Bliss ran forward and started trying doors, until one- the Prancing Pony, my mind noted- sprang open.

A small, serious looking man pulled both of us in by the collar. He held a finger to his lips and ushered us to the stairs. "Shh, shh. Get upstairs. It's no night for young ladies to be roaming the streets and there's a spare bedroom at the end of the hall. You'll have to talk to my master in the morning, though he'll agree that we couldn't've left you, everything taken into consideration. Go on with you now."

Shocked into obedience, Bliss and I went up to the second floor. She was frowning and looking at me like she'd just figured something out.

"Phoenix, I think-"

"We somehow got sucked into _The Lord of the Rings_?"

"I-...yeah. How did you know that?"

"The sign. How'd you?"

She smiled mischievously. "The Black Riders. The screams."

I took a deep breath. Things had just taken a turn for the worse. On the good side, at least we knew where we were...kind of.

Bliss opened one of the doors at random and, quite suddenly, two little _something's_ tackled her, while a bigger something twisted my arm behind my back and ground my face into the wall.

"Oomf. Ow! Wha' da hell?"

"Who are you, stranger?"

I babbled incoherently as Bliss narrowed her eyes at the big something holding me. "Let us go and maybe we'll tell you." I assumed that they were having a staring contest because she didn't blink for a long moment.

"Very well. Sam, Pippin, let her go."

We were released and I helped Bliss to her feet. Standing in the doorway was a tall, dirty man, who was screaming _Bad Guy _to me. Behind him, I could barely make out four smaller figures in the light of only one candle. The man surveyed us moodily.

"I do not recognize you. Where do you come from?"

"The West? Around...um...the western region of, er..." My improvising failed as he cocked an eyebrow at me dryly. I felt myself flush.

"Look, it's not very pretty how we got here. But we need some help," Bliss explained, glossing over the part where _we had come from another world_. He nodded, though and stepped back into the room.

"I'm sorry but I cannot help you," he began, shaking his head.

I lunged forward before he could slam the door. "And someone else can?"

He paused then turned to his companions. I swallowed, feeling like I had intruded on something. Then he stepped back to admit us. "I will see what I can do. But know that it may be very little." I sighed, relieved and Bliss and I walked in. "I am called Strider."

I swallowed the urge to curse and scream and cry because really, really, Universe? You decide to drop us into this story? Bliss nudged me with her foot, silently telling me to put my lady feelings in a sack, at least he was taking us in, which meant we wouldn't be left alone in Tolkien's world. I cut my eyes at her, letting her know that that was a very, very small comfort.

"Phoenix."

"Bliss."

Strider nodded to us and moved to a chair by the window. Bliss went to sit down by the other four's bedrolls and I joined her. Soon, though, I was dozing off, curled up against the wall.

Frodo's voice woke me and I straightened with a jolt in my stomach and my heart in my mouth. Bliss was sitting with her chin on her knees, watching the candle flicker. The hobbits were all awake as well and I suppressed a sudden nerd-urge to flip out over them (but it was Sam! And Merry! And Pippin and Frodo! Uh-oh, my geek is showing).

"They were once men. Great kings of men. Then Sauron the Deceiver gave to them nine rings of power. Blinded by their greed, they took them without question. And one by one have fallen into darkness." Strider returned to gazing out the window.

"Ringwraiths, Nix! Finally," Bliss whispered, grasping my sleeve.

"Now they are slaves to his will." His eyes met both Bliss' and mine before moving back to Frodo. "They are the Nazgul. Ringwraiths. Neither living nor dead. At all times they feel the presence of the Ring, drawn to the power of the One." I made a face at Bliss. "They will never stop hunting you."

The hobbits looked among themselves, clearly worried about what they'd gotten themselves into. Strider watched resolutely into the street for more danger.

Merry yawned hugely and then so did I and soon Sam and Pippin and Bliss and Frodo were all yawning, too. I grinned, feeling somewhat more at ease and settled back down with a blanket to sleep.

* * *

"Phoenix. Bliss. Wake up, girls. We have a long way to go. Bliss!" Strider sighed. "I have breakfast."

Bliss sat up from beside me so fast that I could feel the wind of her movement puff my hair. One of the hobbits laughed and I pried my eyes open.

"She's almost as bad as Pip. Come on, it'll get cold."

I groaned, sitting up. "Oh, God, you're all morning people, aren't you?"

Strider hushed me. I grumbled under my breath to Bliss as we ate breakfast. Stupid man. Soon we were packing up supplies and then we were off. The innkeeper stopped Strider and they exchanged some words but from where I was standing by the hobbits and our new pack pony, I couldn't hear anything. Bliss was watching them too but then Strider joined us and the matter never came up.

We strode down the road for a good twenty minutes until Strider stopped. "This is where we leave you. I'm sorry I don't have the time to escort you back to your home but this road will take you East, if that is what you intend."

Bliss shot me a look and I repressed my panic. "Uh...you're just gonna leave us here?"

The hobbits exchanged looks and Strider frowned. "I trust you should find your home. Even if you did meet some trouble on your way to Bree."

"Riiight...well, the thing is...home is kind of..." I gestured vaguely to the sky. "A different dimension."

"Merry," Pippin whispered, "What's a dimension?"

I couldn't help but grin. Strider's face grew more impassive as he studied Bliss and me. "Another world?" he repeated dubiously.

"Uh-huh," Bliss acknowledged, grinning hugely and nodding. "This place is, uh...a myth, where we're from."

I nodded, proud of her wording. Myth was understandable to these guys. It made the two different worlds coexistable. Smart girl, that one.

"Maybe we should go with you guys," I suggested innocently.

Sam was looking less than welcoming but Frodo appeared intrigued. Then he nodded as well. Strider glanced back at them and sighed slightly. Then, before anyone could speak, he led us off the road and into the woods, to begin our journey.

At least the Universe agreed with me that it leaving Bliss and me alone in Middle Earth would only lead to disaster and hilarity. That was...something? Woot!

* * *

Merry and Pippin were trotting next to Bliss and I, chattering to each other shyly until Bliss caught them in silence.

"I'm Bliss. This is Phoenix." I waved brightly. "You guys know where we're going?"

They shrugged, then introduced themselves. "Merry."

"Pippin."

"So, how do you eat from where you're from?"

This set him and me off on a discussion of which really was the other white meat- ham or turkey.

"He's foul enough," I caught Merry muttering to Frodo and Sam.

"We have no choice but to follow him."

"But where's he leading us?" Sam interjected loudly. Bliss rolled her eyes at me.

"To Rivendale, Master Gamgee. The House of Elrond," Strider said from up front.

"Did you hear that? We're going to see the elves!"

I gasped in fake delight. "Like the ones who make shoes?"

Bliss put her hand on my shoulder. "No...like Orlando Bloom."

"Oh. Poo."

**A/N: Geez that took a long time to type. And this is only part one! Gah! Anyway, more will be posted soon and leave any comments in a review. Thanks for your time. **

**Fred**


	2. Chapter 1 Part 2

Chapter One (Part 2): Falling Out of Windows? Yes, posters? No.

After establishing that, no, we did not have seven meals in a single day, acquiring two holes in Bliss' shoe and getting very little sleep for a couple nights, we arrived at Weathertop.

"Oh what nice country side. We should try to build a summer home here."

"Ooh, I call the Master Suite!"

Strider shot us a "shut it" look and continued walking. We hiked up the hill after him, puffing a little from exertion. Damn.

The hobbits immediately plopped down onto the ground after dumping their things. Bliss and I joined them as Strider passed out a random collection of four short swords to the little guys. He threw me a look out of the corner of his eye as he walked away, most likely to scope out the premises.

Soon Frodo was sleeping and I was zoning out, tired after our trek. Sam and Pippin got a fire going while Merry and Bliss were talking about stealing things, mostly food.

"Nix."

"Mmph?"

"I have to pee."

"Ah, dang it, so do I.."

"Let's go find some bushes."

"Oh, the modern conveniences of toilets. Or even port-a-potties."

"Ew. Don't be gross."

Leaving the warm little campfire (and being warned to stay close- pft, yeah, right) we went into the woods down on the other side of the hill. After taking care of business (we were pros after the first couple of days), we sat at the edge of the trees and chilled, glad for a minute to ourselves.

"How long do you think it'll take before we run out of tampons?" Bliss wondered. I groaned, remembering that we would have to deal with that at some point.

"I dunno. Maybe we'll get some more girl stuff at Rivendale. Yeesh, wonder what'll happen there."

Bliss sighed and we sat in silence for a while, watching the fire up on the hill. Suddenly, it went out, followed by faint yells. My eyes were drawn to the dark shadows creeping up the sides of Weathertop and I froze, half in fear and half in gratitude that they hadn't come upon us.

"Black Riders," I muttered, barely able to rip the words from my throat.

Even Bliss, who had a mad love for them, seemed to shy away from their physical beings. Never had I encountered such a terror that it froze hearts. I prayed that I would never have to face one and then tried to think if anyone did after this. I'd grown up on these books, I was a Tolkien nerd...so what the hell was wrong with me, that I couldn't remember what happened next?

"If we wait, we should be able to catch up to them when Strider comes back," Bliss murmured, drawing further into the shadow of the trees. I made a small noise of agreement and focused my attention on the hill. Firelight- a torch, most likely- sprang into motion and the Black Riders disappeared over the hill, away to the right of us.

I stood with Bliss and we ran to catch Strider and the hobbits as they came running down this side of the hill. Everyone seemed in a general panic and I could see that nerves were fried from the meeting with the Ringwraiths.

"Hurry!" Strider yelled over his shoulder, spotting us.

"But we're six days from Rivendale!" Sam cried, leading Bill the pony. "We'll never make it!"

I exchanged a look with Bliss but Strider, ever the fearless leader, just kept on going.

* * *

We paused towards morning, by "Mr. Bilbo's trolls" for a breather. Strider lay Frodo down and checked his vitals. I was doubled up, hands on my knees, but even with sweat dripping into my eyes, I could tell he was _not_ looking so good. He was pale, short of breath and looked to have a high fever.

"Is he going to die?" Pippin asked, putting into words what the rest of us could not.

"He is passing into the Shadow Realm. He will soon become a Wraith, like them," Strider said after a pause.

A high cry alerted us to more Black Riders and I noted Strider pulling Sam aside to ask him something but my head was spinning from all the running and no sleep. Bliss was sitting by Frodo, frustrated that there was nothing we could do and I hit my knees where I stood, drained.

Merry, Pippin, Bliss and I sat in the clearing for several minutes, completely silent. That day hadn't begun yet and there was no movement in the trees. The air seemed void of hope.

At last, thankfully, Strider and Sam returned with a pouchful of Kingsfoil. An elf (at least, I assumed it was an elf-he fit the stereotype) came riding into camp soon after on a brilliant white horse. Strider and the elf (later identified as Glorfindel) bent over Frodo and there was a pause.

"I have not the skill to heal this wound. We must get him to Lord Elrond." The elf picked up the hobbit and slung him onto the horse. A few words were exchanged between Strider and him and then he was gone, toting a wheezing Frodo in front of him. Bliss and I stared at each other, fatigued and worried and not a little frightened. We were left alone to make our way to Rivendale.

**A/N: Sorry this is short but that is a lot of writing. I'll try to get another couple of chapters posted but since school has started it'll mostly be on the weekends. This is kind of old so I'm rewriting as I go, so please understand why I take so long to get it up. Haha, so to speak. Anyway, there is already plenty to post, so just stay patient. I will keep going with this one, promise. Thanks for reading!**

**Fred**


	3. Chapter 2

Chapter Two: Good Cop, Bad Cop Time

"So what do we do now?" Bliss asked as the elf ran off with the hobbit. Strider glanced back, as if just remembering we were here.

"Now we take a rest and continue in the morning. We may have an easier time of it but I do not like the idea of being in the wilderness with Black Riders about."

I sighed and flopped back into the soft dirt lovingly, pillowing my head with my bag. Ahh, rest. May I never take it for granted again.

Bliss arranged herself next to me, still looking worried. Merry and Pippin stood for a moment longer until Pip said something and they both spread out their bedrolls. Sam grumbled to himself but he, too, settled down. Strider stayed at the edge of our camp, crossing his arms against the breeze. I was awake, watching him blearily through tired eyes.

The other four were snoring, though my mind wouldn't let me sleep. It was digging up things to stress over and I gave up on sleep and sat up. Strider was building a small fire with a frown; he glanced up at me and for a moment we locked eyes. Then he frowned deeper and dropped his gaze back to the fire.

"You should be resting while you can. We have a long road ahead of us."

"No." He furrowed his brow inquisitively. "I mean, yes, it's going to be a long road. But I can't sleep."

He sat back and took out his pipe. I watched him prepare it, stuff and suck and blow and then light it. He took a deep drag and blew a spiral of smoke into the sky. I watched a more smoke joined it and the sun slowly rose and then I was asleep without realizing it.

* * *

"Tig."

"Tig."

"Tig-tag."

"Tog-tig."

Tigger-roo!"

"Is that allowed?"

Of course it is! Why not?"

"Tigger-roo..."

I squeezed one eye open. Sam was kneeling by the fire, prodding at something in a pan with a dark look. Bliss, Merry and Pippin were lounging with the packs, playing some weird game. Strider was nowhere to be seen. I sat up and rubbed my eyes, vaguely noting that Bliss was whispering to the hobbits. Pippin gasped and looked at me.

"What? What are you telling them, Bliss?"

She blinked at me innocently. "Nothing." More whispering. I narrowed my eyes in suspicion but let it slide. Then the hobbits sprang up and leapt towards me at top speed, Bliss cackling in the background.

"Give me the bacon!" A cut off shriek. "Let go!" Muffled laughter. "That's my arm, my arm!"

"Alright, you two, gerroff," I grumbled, panting as they gave up. Bliss has collapsed by her bag, in fits of laughter. Strider, having reappeared, was checking some straps on Bill, smiling softly.

"Grab your things, it is past time to leave," he instructed. We loaded up and set off, following Strider back to the road. Bliss sighed and kicked at some leaves. It was still a long way to Rivendale and we were tired, though the thought of Frodo was enough to hurry us on our way. As we half jogged after Strider, I did something I hadn't done in years and sent up a prayer, for Frodo and for us.

* * *

Two days later, Strider was walking quicker, lengthening his stride and expecting the rest of us to keep up. We were close to the river crossing and from there it was only a minor marathon to the Last Homely House.

"Great," Bliss sighed upon spotting the swollen river. "How're we s'posed to cross _that_?"

Strider grinned and I realized that in some part oh this man's head, he _enjoyed_ this last leg of our journey. Maybe it was the macho part of him- y'know, the part every guy has that makes him want to eat meat and kill stuff and have sex? That part.

Anyway.

"Anything that cannot get wet, put on Bill or carry it yourself. It shouldn't be deep enough that we have to swim." I noticed the hobbits exchanging looks. Sam glared at Strider. Poor buddy.

In a single file line, we began to wade out into the water. Strider, as per usual, led the group, with the hobbits smushed safely between him and us other tall folk. The water was freezing. Duh. It was _fall_. Bit still, it shocked me at first (I had been rather warm from all that walking) and my lungs seized up. Bliss wasn't as effected as it and Strider remained stalwart as ever. Only the hobbits appeared to share my shivers.

Bill the pony trailed after Sam happily, in and out of the water, while the rest of us trudged after Strider. It was late afternoon by the time we caught our first glimpse of Rivendale.

"How long now?"

"I know of a short cut. It will get us there sooner."

"And how soon is 'sooner'?"

He allowed a small smile. "A few more hours at best." I groaned and forced my feet to keep moving. They were ready to fall off.

Suddenly, some guy was spitting gibberish at us. I turned to see if we'd encountered an alien and ran into the sharp tip of...something. The sun was in my eye, dammit. Strider began to speak to the people in their tongue (elvish, I then realized). The other archers lowered their weapons, clearly intent on what he was saying (though I couldn't help but feel their eyes on me, somewhere between creepy men eying girls at bars and children watching strange creatures at zoos). Soon, we were moving on.

We'd been expected, Strider told us, but not so soon. Ah, excellent. We barged in on an elvish party. Still, we walked and walked and walked and finally found ourselves in a brightly lit hall. It was now pretty late and sleepy hobbits were led away by some of our entourage. Haha. Sam was volleying questions about Frodo at one of them, who looked rather exasperated. I snorted.

Bliss toddled down the hall with a lady attendant and I began to stumble after her. Strider caught my arm and, looking at him, I realized that he was tired too.

"Phoenix, Lord Elrond will want to speak with you and Bliss tomorrow," he explained, relinquishing his grip. I nodded and went after Bliss. I'd never seen a more inviting looking bed and I fell into it without thinking and slept.

* * *

"Milady? Lord Elrond would have a word. I was sent to get you ready. Milady?"

"Eh?" I gazed up at the elleth who was attempting to wake up Bliss and me. "When does he want to see us?"

Bliss lay on her bed, stretching. "By 'get us ready', do you mean bathing and clean clothes?"

"Yes, milady. It is ready in the next room."

"You want the first go?" Bliss asked, turning to look at me. I shook my head and buried my face back into the pillow.

There was a small noise as Bliss' feet hit the floor and pattered into the next room. The sounds of bathwater and light chatter reached my ears and I sighed. Bugger. Bright morning sunlight was streaming into the room. People were moving and beginning their day. I was up.

"Great," I muttered, sitting up. "Ow." My muscles were stiff.

Looking at our room for the first time, I found that it was pretty open, a balcony letting in a sweet breeze on the wall across from the door. Next to my bed was Bliss'; covers were strewn all about the floor, along with boots and our two purses we'd managed to hold on to (by the grace of God). A wardrobe sat, squat and wide, against the wall opposite. Beside it was a vanity and a mirror. A closed door was adjacent to this, which I expected led to the hall we'd gone through last night.

My covers were heaped around my middle, dirty feet sticking out from the clean sheets. I turned to snuggle with my pillow and discovered it had a smear of blood on it and wasn't smelling so fresh.

I touched my cheek and remembered running into the arrow last night. The cut wasn't bad but at my touch it stung. Ew. I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror and winced. My short blond hair was really, really, _really_ nasty from not being washed in...ugh, I didn't even want to know how long it had been. I was still wearing the same smelly pair of jeans and ratty tee shirt. GROSS.

Bliss soon emerged from the wash room in a fluffy robe; our elleth sat her on the bed and began to methodically comb out the snarls of her ass-long hair.

"I can go clean up now, right?"

"Of course. If you need someone to help you-"

"No, no! I'll be fine," I called, already half way to the bath.

Steam rose from the tub and the smell of girliness hung thick in the air. I stripped and submerged myself in the water. Ahh. There was soap and fresh towels and I had never felt so delightfully clean in all my life (despite the disgusting mess the bathwater ended up being). The bath didn't take long and I joined the ladies in the bedroom. ...Okay, that sounded creepy. Sorry 'bout that.

Bliss and the elleth were rifling through the closet-wardrobe-thing, looking at dresses. Old school dresses. Ick. Bliss may have loved dressing up but I had a long-standing war with dresses; some girls just can't wear 'em. The hate was mutual. (Prom. Don't get me started on prom.)

"Milady, there are some underthings laid out for you and dresses are in the wardrobe. I will attend to your hair in a moment."

My skin prickled at her formality but I managed to put the underwear-like things on in (I think) the right way and sat, trying to muster up the courage to ask for pants. My mind registered that fact that our beds had been remade. Nice.

Bliss changed into a gown while the elleth knelt on her knees behind me to brush my hair.

"There is not much we can do with it as it's so short," she said doubtfully.

"It's fine. I can deal with it." She nodded and stood, eyeing the wardrobe. "Um, if it's possible," I began. Her gaze flickered to meet mine. I wanted to hide in a sock drawer, she made me feel so impossibly inadequate. "Could I, perhaps, wear something a little less, umm...I mean, would it be at all possible for me to wear some pa- er, trousers?"

She surveyed me closely for a moment as I squirmed. I hated asking people to do stuff that was so...wierd for them, but it couldn't really be helped. Then she nodded. "Yes. I will find something for you."

"Thank you," I said, breath rushing out. She gathered her skirts and walked silently out the door.

Bliss was near the balcony, reveling in her finery. She was completely at peace with the whole Dark Ages fashion. I sat sullenly on my bed, drying slowly in my strange underwear.

"I can't believe you don't want to wear one of these," she said in mock incredulity.

I rolled my eyes. "Can you really see me in a fancy dress, trying to hold a conversation?"

She laughed. "That would be entertaining."

I glared and grumbled under my breath until our door opened again. Our elleth swept in with a pile of clothes and set them on the bed. I picked out a cream shirt and brown trousers and smiled happily at the rest of them.

"I brought enough for the both of you. Shoes as well, are in the wardrobe. You are to breakfast with Lord Elrond. I will come for you when it is time."

"Okay. Thank you."

"Yes, thank you."

She smiled and bobbed her head before leaving again. Well. I scrunched up my mouth and flopped back onto my bed, feeling very lazy. Bliss was standing quietly at the balcony rail. Silence stretched out like a sleeping cat and my eyelids drooped in contentment. Ahh. Peace.

**A/N: Whew. That felt like it took a while. Sorry for the long wait. I'm pretty busy currently but I swear to continue updating as much as possible. Now it's only a matter of typing up the chapters...oh well. Chapter three will hopefully be posted within the next week. Also, I just noticed that my little break signs weren't showing up so I fixed that. Sorry if there was any confusion. Thank you for your time!**

**Fred**


	4. Chapter 3

Chapter Three: Tea and Trouble

"Nix. Nix! Come 'ere! Move your lazy ass!"

I stood grumpily and trudged over to join Bliss at the balcony. The hills stretched out before us, covered with trees and unbroken except for the river. Stupid river...My eyes fell towards the ground (figuratively...not lit-yeah, you get it) and a light bulb went off in my head.

Oh. We had visitors. Elvish visitors. Who happened to look mysteriously related to Orlando Bloom. Who...yeah, okay, it was Legolas. He had arrived. I must admit, it was nice to see someone so clean. I mean seriously. He was practically squeaking as he slid off his horse. And shiny! Boy, was his hair shiny. I wish my hair-

"Do you see him?" Bliss hissed, squeezing my elbow.

"Ow," I mumbled. "Yes, I see him. I am so excited I may piss myself!"

She nudged me with her shoulder. I elbowed her in the ribs and we both giggled. Damn his elven hearing, he must have heard us because he looked up and SMIRKED. Smirked! Bliss tensed up and we both backed away slowly.

"That was intense," Bliss whispered.

"Yeah, a sodding-"

"Sh!"

I shushed for almost a full five minutes until Bliss began cautiously edging back to the terrace. "Oh, for God's sake! You will see him later. I'm bored!"

She turned and shot me one of her signature Looks. I rolled my eyes.

"C'mon, let's go exploring. What's the worst that could happen?"

"Famous last words, Nix. Let's go!"

So we set off to the door, ready for adventure. Or y'know, a compromising predicament that would get us kicked out of Imladris. Whichever.

"Left?"

"Or right?"

We grinned at each other, giddy with...I don't know what. Maybe it was the shampoo.

Voices came echoing from the right end of the hall, which apparently led to the courtyard. Bliss and I looked at each other and then took off down the left side. My boots squeaked as I hurtled around a corner and down a flight of stairs. The few elves we passed looked at first startled, but gradually amused at our mortal antics.

Bliss was laughing her pants off as we both collapsed on the ground outside, near the edge of the forest. The adrenaline rush began to fade and we fell silent. Our mirth seemed to rebound back to us and I realized how silent things were. As I stared up at the twining branches above us, the five-year-old in me got the urge to climb the tree.

In hindsight, it's almost frightening how often I give in to my five-year-old urges. Pancakes for dinner? Don't mind if I do! Run away and climb a tree? Why the hell not! You're only in trouble if you get caught! Someday, I will attempt to do something childish and it will kill me. Someday.

I stood up and pried my boots off, grinning maniacally. Bliss cocked an eyebrow and opened her mouth-probably to ask me what the hell I was doing-but then seemed to either think better of it or understand.

It was a good climbing tree; branches placed just right without too many twigs to catch at hair and clothes. I scampered up it gracelessly, scraping myself in a dozen places but reaching a fine perch. Bliss was...hey, where was Bliss? Apparently she'd wandered off, so I sighed and inched my way out of the foliage. The branch bent the further I went but it wasn't that skinny.

If you've ever sat in a tree relatively high and looked out, you'll know that there's an amazing view. Most of it was of trees, mainly because I was facing away from the buildings and towards the wilderness part. I attempted to turn around and see where we'd just come from but there was a tree there so I snorted at my blonde moment and began to skid down the tree. And I do mean skid. Trees never did like me much.

After landing on the ground (and a branch-ow), I glanced around for Bliss. She was nowhere to be found but I pulled my boots on anyway and began to tramp back into civilization.

To be clear, we weren't very far into the forest. I should probably stop saying "we" because the other half of "us" had gone. Without saying anything. Which should concern me.

I paused, realizing that she'd just up and left, and frowned. Maybe she had had to pee and yelled something at me but I didn't hear. Or maybe she'd seen Elf-boy. Or-...Something rustled. Bliss? Rustling was never good. To quote that one guy in that one thing, "First comes the rustling, then the running and the screaming." Maybe Bliss had been captured by evvvvil rustlers of rustling leaves. Rustle.

"Phoenix?"

I yelped and spun to face my...elleth. Oh. Christ.

"You scared the crap outta me," I gasped.

She did not look amused. In fact, her pretty face was looking quite stern. "I told you I would come for you. Did you and Bliss think to find your own way to Lord Elrond? Perhaps you thought he would be enjoying the air when he has folk from all over Middle Earth coming in?" Oh. Geez. She wasn't too happy. "Well?"

"I guess...we got a little...distracted?" I attempted. She muttered something in Elvish (and here I thought all elves were proper and stately...bet she was cursing me and Bliss' annoying stupidity...) and beckoned me to follow her.

"There is a small group to decide what to do with you. Don't worry," she added, probably upon seeing my face. "We will do our best to help you, as we may."

On that encouraging note, we scurried down an empty corridor. Imladris really was a beautiful place. The air was cool inside the stone walls but suddenly the elleth was opening a door and oh, so discreetly shoving me into a small room and oh, God I was not prepared.

Out of the four people seated at the table in the middle of a bunch of bookshelves, I recognized two, Bliss and Strider. I managed a tentative smile as the (really, _really_) old man furrowed his super bushy brow. The Elf Lord next to him raised an eyebrow (I had the feeling I looked like I'd been rolling around in the forest...) and then nodded to a seat next to Bliss. I squidged down immediately, exchanging a glance with Bliss.

"Miss Phoenix, then?" the old guy said finally.

I cleared my throat and muttered, "Yeah." Bliss kicked me under the table, trying to get me to straighten up and act like I could at least pretend I knew what the hell was going on. It wasn't my fault. I'm a naturally shy person and being in a room with a wizard, an elf lord and some dude who was going to end up king in the near future did not exactly raise my comfort level.

But since I felt like a kicked puppy and probably looked like a surly teenager, I sat up and raised my chin.

The old man (alright, let's stop pretending and say it, all together: Gandalf) cleared his throat and turned his all-too-knowing eyes on Bliss and me. "Now," he began calmly. "Strider has informed us of his part in your..."

"Adventure?" I suggested, and he inclined his head.

"And that you claim that you come from a world where..." he trailed off again and again, I stepped in to fill in the blanks. Or maybe they wanted to get us on record rather than just hearsay. Whatever.

"Where this is a story. Myth, kinda thing. Yeah." Bliss nodded brightly in agreement. I smiled.

Gandalf and Elrond exchanged a brief look before returning to the questioning. "How did you get here then?"

"Well," I began but found I had no answer. "Bliss, how'd we get here?"

She shot me a glare. "We kind of...fell through a poster. A picture, really. Of...this...place." She gestured vaguely to our surroundings.

"What were you doing before you...fell?"

"Shopping," I replied happily. "We were looking for some music and then Bliss pushed me and I grabbed her to not fall over and we ended up in a forest." Thanks, God. Really.

All three men (males?) blinked at the mention of shopping. Some things never change, no matter what world or time you're in.

"And that's pretty much it. I don't think we can tell you anything else," Bliss offered.

Gandalf seemed to consider this for a long moment. "I will have to speak further with Lord Elrond on this matter. Aragorn will escort you back to your rooms." A bell rang, signifying lunch. Lunch? Holy crow. "Or, as the case may be, to dinner," the wizard amended with a slight smile.

Everyone stood and I realized we had been dismissed. I scrambled to follow Bliss, as we had a lot to...well, we didn't really have a lot of anything to do but sit around and wonder what was going to happen next. Although, looking back, I should've guessed. Oh, foreshadowing.

* * *

Sitting on Bliss' bed a couple hours (and some damn good food) later, we dumped out our bags to classify our stocks. Or something.

"So. A wallet and a make-up case. Nice. Just what we need in an emergency."

"Oh like yours is any better? How is Play-Doh and a golf ball gonna help us, huh, Nix? Maybe you can build a time machine with all these freaking gum wrappers!"

I narrowed my eyes at her. Now that things were really beginning to sink in, so was the panic. "At least my bag is entertaining! What are we gonna do with yours, protect ourselves with eyeliner?"

"It works on you, Scaredy McScaredy Cat," Bliss countered.

"Curse my natural abhorrence of pointy things near my eyes!" I exclaimed without pause.

Bliss snorted. I chuckled. We burst into spontaneous, panic-driven, nerve-releasing laughter. It lasted a good eight and a half minutes before we both sobered up enough to hear the knock on the door.

"Come i-in!" Bliss warbled. I tittered staccato-ically as Merry and Pippin stuck their curly heads inside the door.

"Hello," Merry said...merrily.

"We were wondering if you would like to go for a walk. And get out of your room. And away from"- Merry elbowed Pippin quickly and, though he "oomf!"-ed, they both smiled brightly.

I arched a brow at Bliss. She squidged her mouth up and shrugged slightly. "Sure."

It was the start of a beautiful friendship. Merry and Pippin were easily the most affable folk we'd met yet (and probably would meet) and although they hadn't been tossed on their collective asses out of their own world, they knew about as much of the Wide World (as I'd taken to calling it, thank you _Wind in the Willows_) as Bliss or I did. Over the next two days, the four of us ran around together.

Okay, really we just sat around in the food place or outside and shared stories and ate and drank and generally just hung out. But it was the first hanging out I'd ever done in Middle Earth and so it was special. Especially as...well, that comes later.

**A/N: Hello there!** **Well, this is the rest of the chapter, short though it may be. I really am sorry about the huge breaks but I'll be getting the fourth chapter up ASAP. Promise. Thanks for reading and, as usual, drop a review with questions or comments, or threats about the story. Whatever. **

**Cheers!**

**~Fred **


	5. Chapter 4

**A/N: Hey. You. C'mere. Guess what? Chapter three has been edited with a lot of information. This chapter may not make sense without reading the rest of chapter three. Just fyi. Thanks!  
****~Fred**

Chapter Four: Saved by the Escorts!

Two days after our arrival (or was it three?), that is, two days after our little interview with the Head Honchos, our elleth (named Elanor) gathered some reinforcements and shepherded Bliss and me into the bathroom. It didn't take much, since we were both quite happy to stay clean, but the extra two or three elleths made me wary.

"Hold still," Elanor instructed and then I was scrubbed to within an inch of my sanity.

Elanor's henchwomen poured some stuff that smelled like lavender all over my back and arms and legs and then doused my hair in some honey-smelling shampoo. Once out, they dried me off with a big fluffy towel until I was red and then slathered on some lotion that smelled like roses.

I stumbled back into the room buck nekkid and smelling like a freakin' bouquet.

Bliss was soon out, having received the same treatment and before we could open our mouths to ask a question (or plead that we'd talk, just stop with the torture!), we were wrangled into two very fine dresses and sat down to get our hair did.

"Um," I ventured, as soon as all were seated. Elanor glanced at me from behind Bliss. "Why are we getting all dolled up?"

Though the expression must've been foreign to her, she understood the question. "There is to be a banquet tonight. To celebrate the arrival and recovery of the hobbit who has brought the Ring thus far." Her voice dipped low and cautious when she spoke of the Ring and I felt a brief moment of distress over remembering the purpose of...well, of all this. But Bliss spoke before I could get myself in a proper tizzy over anything.

"So...how big is this...banquet?"

"Imladris is hosting many elves and no few guests. It will be a merry evening," Elanor said in her lilting voice, concentrating on braiding the front part of Bliss' hair back. Everyone lapsed into a busy and thoughtful silence.

A few minutes later, Elanor and one of her friends stood behind me, muttering together about my hair and what was to be done with it. I kept it short out of habit, close to my chin and they seemed at a loss. Bliss was sitting on her bed, looking dazed. Finally, Elanor sighed and my hair was left as it was, which was fine by me.

"Now," she said. "Your escorts will arrive in a few moments. _Do not_ go anywhere. Wait for them." She shot a stern glare at me meaningfully. I smiled, all innocence.

"Will y'all be there?" I asked. The more familiar faces, the better.

Elanor let loose a rare smile. "Yes. We shall all see each other, I expect. Now, I take my leave. I shall see you at the feast."

And they all left. Bliss had pulled out her make-up kit and was dusting some on lightly as we waited for our escorts. Escorts! It was so...wierd. Everything was weird.

"Are you excited at all?" Bliss asked, doing that thing all girls do when putting make-up; widen the eyes, blink, turn head from side to side, pout lips. My eye twitched. Twice.

"I dunno," I mumbled finally. "Kinda getting a little"-

Before I could enter full "holy shitsticks" mode, a knock came. Saved by the escorts! Bliss and I stared at each other blankly before I giggled and we both scrambled up to get the door.

"Good eve', fair ladies," the first one said, bowing slightly. I took an involuntary step back as his perfume-honest to God!-rolled towards me. "I am Rindel and this is my brother Rian. We shall be your escorts for this evening."

"Oh," I whispered, not sure I could continue for fear of laughing and offending them. "Um. Thank-you?"

This seemed appropriate, as they both bowed. Oh sweet Jesus. I looked blankly at Bliss, lips compressed tightly so as to not laugh. Big mistake. We both ducked our heads, shoulders tense as we tried to hold it in.

"Ladies?" Rindel pronounced deeply, arching his eyebrow, which cause me to guffaw quite hideously.

"I'm sorry," I choked out. "I only just got a joke Bliss told me yesterday."

Rian looked overjoyed by this. "Oh? I love jokes. What was it?"

I turned to Bliss. She looked at me. "Well...why do elephants paint their toenails red?" Both of the boys looked clueless. "To hide in cherry trees. You ever seen an elephant in a cherry tree?" Both shook their heads, looking curious. "See, it works!"

Rindel looked on just as blankly as I had a moment ago. Rian chuckled politely. Bliss stuffed her fist in her mouth before composing herself. Rindel gallantly offered his arm, a look so pompous on his face that Bliss snorted and had to cover it in a sneeze, before laying her fingers on his arm.

"Milady," Rian said, reminiscent of Ramone in that movie The Proposal. I took his arm, trying to think somber thoughts. Dead puppies, dead puppies.

It was a miracle that I made it all the way into the Hall without having a conniption from holding in laughter and distaste. Rian (and, I suspected, Rindel) was arrogant and obnoxious, one of those elves who's never had to work a day in his life and who expected mortal women to swoon at his elf-hood. Douchecanoe.

At the entrance, I was separated from my escort, for which I fervently thanked God. I had no idea where to go, however, and I couldn't find Bliss or Merry and Pippin. Thankfully, one of the elves took pity on me and led me to a chair. Immediately after sitting, of course, I saw Bliss, Merry, Pippin and Sam all sitting together at a table close to the dais, where Elrond sat with Gandalf, Glorfindel and a few other High Elves. The kind elf was smiling at me, glad to be of help to one of the freaky human girls, so I smiled back and stayed where I was. Next to me at the table was a small contingent of dwarves, which delighted me to no end.

The one next to me turned and smiled gruffly into his long red beard. "Gimli son of Gloin, at your service," he greeted.

"Phoenix, at your service and your family's," I responded eagerly, ecstatic beyond belief by using my geek-tastic Tolkien knowledge and to be using it on _Gimli_.

The meal passed happily, as Gimli and I got to talking about various things (mostly old dwarf stories and mining techniques; I chimed in with a snippet of My Bloody Valentine, which made the nice elf who'd seated me gape, horrified). There was no interruption from the higher-ups, which made me grateful, as they still hadn't passed judgement on Bliss and me.

Gimli told me a few of the rumors that had been floating around Rivendell but I didn't know how to correct any of them. Was I supposed to tell him that we came from another world? Instead I explained that we were from a long way away and looking for some help, not unlike many of the others here.

"Well no one would begrudge you that, lassie," he said. "Though few will understand why two women were sent."

I stared at my plate. "Yeah, I ain't exactly sure why we got picked either."

The dwarf patted my shoulder gruffly. A table or two away, at the dais, Elrond and Glorfindel were rising and leading the rest of us...somewhere. We began to trickle out in pairs and as I sat there blankly, Gimli stood and offered me his arm. I rose quickly and we both laughed as we realized that Gimli was a good foot shorter than me. Even so, we made it to the Hall of Fire, chattering the whole time.

* * *

Bliss caught up to me once inside and, over the music and singing and talking, I introduced her to Gimli. For the next couple hours the three of us popped some squats and talked, others-elves, dwarves and the occasional hobbit-merging into our conversation. We listened to no few songs and poems and I almost had another conniption when I saw Bilbo. Another hour and a half passed and then Something Happened.

And what happened was, there was a momentary lull in singing around us where Gimli asked Bliss and me to sing a song from our land.

Oh. Sweet. Jesus.

"Oh, no," Bliss said. "No, there really aren't any...anything that's really up for...And anyway, me and Nix, we're not singers."

"At all!" I exclaimed in horror.

But dwarves are nothing if stubborn, and now the "nice" elf who helped me out (his name was Lindir) was egging us on, along with a few of Gimli's dwarf friends.

"A poem then!" Lindir suggested. "Surely there is something you can recite to add to our merrymaking."

I glared at him, blushing furiously. A grin dawned slowly on Bliss' face. "Well, Nix. You're the English major. Give 'em a poem."

"I really..." But Gimli and Lindir and Bliss (the traitor) were having none of it.

"Come on then. Something short. At least."

"Yeah, Nix. Spout off some Shakespeare or something."

I had no problem talking to people when it was just a few of us and not a bunch of people expecting a recitation they would like. My mind went blank as a small group of elves surrounding us turned to assess me. Oh God.

Bliss raised her eyebrows and I remembered making her laugh so hard that her Coke came out of her nose in the middle of a friend's wedding. In front of a very cute groomsman and our friend's grandmother. This was her retribution. Damn.

Silence permeated our corner as a few more elves turned to see the mortal girl make a fool of herself. I knew they could see the flush over my face and neck. I swear my thighs were even embarrassed.

I gulped, still brain dead. Then, before I really knew it, my mouth opened of its own accord and spit out- "It's a little bit funny!"

Oh, Jesus. I wasn't actually...

"This feeling inside."

I was. Thanks, Moulin Rouge! (And Elton John, you king among men.)

"I'm not one of those who can easily hide." Bliss' mouth was hanging open. Everyone else just looked confused. "I don't have much money"- boy, ain't that the truth- "but, boy if I did." This is a disaster. "I'd buy a big house, where we both could live."

Shit. Shit! What came next? I swallowed again. Oh my- oh! Right!

"If I were a sculptor! But then again, no. Or a ma-girl"- I fumbled, cursing my stupid brain- "who makes potions in a traveling show. I know it's not much but it's the best I can do."

I paused, not wanting to sing but unable to disconnect the tune from the words. So I sang the first part as softly as I could manage.

"My gift is my song." Oh. Right. Back to speaking. "And this one's for you," I finished.

There was a brief pause where I winced inwardly and then my little audience applauded and I thought, maybe they were waiting for you to sing the rest of it. Yeah, right. Like that would happen.

"There," Lindir teased gently. "That wasn't so bad, was it?"

I snorted. "You tell me."

Bliss was grinning like the Cheshire Cat. "Nice one. I thought you'd give 'em some Dickinson or Whitman but not you."

"Shut it. It was the first thing that popped into my mind."

Lindir's shoulder brushed mine and I turned to find that he was chuckling and trying to hide it.

"Maybe we can just forget that that happened?"

Bliss rolled her eyes but Lindir appeased me. And that was the end of my reciting stuff in front of people.

* * *

After my moment in the spotlight, I curled up in the corner to listen to other people and eventually fell asleep. Bilbo was right; it was hard to stay awake for the whole party unless you were used to it. Which, in case you didn't know, I totally wasn't. I remember Bliss nudging me awake, trying to get me to go to bed but I shook my head, stubbornly not wanting to go and she left with Merry and Pippin.

When I came to next, the Hall had emptied, of people and lights. I was covered by a cloak and there was someone standing by me. I stared at their boots.

"It is no trouble," someone said, very softly. I was suddenly lifted into the air. _That_ woke me up.

"Please. I would like to look in on Lady Bliss, as well. Excuse me," said another voice.

I didn't quite dare look up to confirm just who was carrying me, but I peeked out of the corner of my eye and thought that the other one (the losing one, I couldn't help but think with a little start of distress) was Lindir.

The person carrying me didn't speak, although I got the feeling this was because he didn't have anything to say rather than because he thought I was asleep.

Anyway, I was soon deposited in my own bed and the door was closed, leaving the room lit up by the moon and nothing else. I got up and carefully took the dress off. Clearly, it had a very dangerous effect on the way things happened. Bliss sat up briefly and I looked over at her.

"Hey," she whispered.

"Hey."

"I'm tired."

"Then go back to sleep."

"Right. Talk to you tomorrow, Miss Surprise Surprise."

"Goodnight, Traitor McBackstabber."

And that was our first formal event in Middle Earth.

**A/N: Hey y'all! It's 1:30 in the morning. Yay! Anyway, here's chapter four. Hey, fun fact: Lindir didn't even make an appearance in the first draft of this. Who woulda thunk?**

**Okay. You know the drill; drop a review with comments and questions and whatever. Thanks for reading!**

**~Fred**


	6. Chapter 5

Chapter Five: We're All Mad Here!

When I woke up the morning after the big shin-dig, I had a throbbing headache from sleeping too long, too hard. Bliss was still sprawled on her bed and I sniffed, pushing back my hair from my face. She craned her neck to look at me and I groaned.

"So. You got in late."

"I was sleeping. On the floor. Believe me I'm paying for it." I was. My left hip and shoulder were killing me. OW.

She smiled smugly. "You know who carried you in last night?" I had a suspicion but no, actually, I didn't want to confirm it. "Aragorn. How did that come about, missy?"

I sighed. "Well. I might've just gone on and slept in the Hall but chivalry isn't dead here."

"Mm-hmm." She raised an eyebrow as she stretched, communicating her disbelief.

"Ugh!" I growled and promptly fell off the bed. "Oh, fiddlesticks-fuck-chandelier."

Bliss burst out laughing. "What the hell was that?"

"Phoenix? Bliss?" Son of a-

Bliss snickered as I slapped a hand over my eyes. "Come in!" I pulled the blanket off my bed to cover my face with that too. Gah.

Aragorn entered our room with some minor trepidation. I peered at him from under my blanket and, when he glanced down at me, sat up foolishly. If you can sit up like a fool.

"Is...all well?" he asked cautiously. Bliss grinned.

"Peachy keen. Nix might need some help getting"- I scrambled upright before she could finish her rather damning statement, eyes blazing a clear "SHUT THE FUCK UP."

Aragorn wisely decided not to comment on this brief exchange. "Elrond would like to speak with you before the Council," he announced.

Oh holy shit. "Oh." Without turning my head, I met Bliss' eyes. She looked as equally alarmed as I felt.

"Elanor shall take you to him once you are ready. I will see you at the Council." He smiled briefly and then split, shutting the door behind him.

I plunked down onto my bed. "Well."

"Yep." Bliss cocked an eyebrow. Then we burst out laughing. It was like high school all over again.

* * *

Fifteen minutes later, Elanor hustled us down to wherever we were meeting Elrond. I was wolfing down a peach (I think it was a peach) and nearly choked on the fuzzy skin of it. It was earlier than I'd have liked it to be, but that really couldn't be helped.

Bliss, who could wake up at any time and still exude put-together-ed-ness, had her game face on. That is, she looked ready for a court proceeding, gun fight, or wedding. Capable, is the word. Which was good, since I had never been a morning person and was likely going to end up yawning in Lord Elrond's face.

Speaking of the elf-lord, he greeted us as we arrived with such a distant smile I was pretty sure he wouldn't have noticed or cared had I yawned, but I was too cowed by the circumstances to test this theory.

"Gandalf seems to belief that you are telling the truth and have been...foretold," he stated bluntly. I blinked, a bit stunned and then indignant. Duh, we were telling the truth!

Bliss looked just as stunned as I was, but more suspicious. "How d'you mean- 'foretold'?"

"Whether he is right or not remains to be seen, yet I agree that there must be more to your presence here. This, among many other things, we will discuss at the Council. Until a decision has been made, you are welcome to stay in Rivendell until your paths are known to you."

Well. That was one thing taken care of, at least. We weren't being thrown out on our ear.

"Thank you," I said, after a beat of silence. Bliss echoed me and then we were pleasantly dismissed. That was short, confusing and just plain scary!

Walking along (neither of us had a destination in mind, which would have been okay, had we known our way around), Bliss and I began to talk.

"So. We have a place to stay!" I said, trying to get a handle on things.

"Yeah, for how long? And what the hell was up with the foretold business?"

I blew my breath out to stall. "Oh, the usual. Girls go to strange land in the middle of a massive battle of good versus evil, there's a prophecy entailing how they help save the world, we'll be home in time for tea."

Bliss looked at me unhappily. "I never did want to save the world. It always seemed too..."

"Captain America?"

"Yeah." We wandered along in silence. "Frankly, I think it's all bullshit."

I twisted my mouth up thoughtfully. "The foretelling and whatnot?" She nodded. "Could be." Then a loud bell pealed out and I remembered the Council. I didn't think we were invited but about thirty seconds later, Elanor was dragging us to the secret meeting. How she managed to find us was beyond me. Magical elf senses?

I was still thinking about the whole business of our being there. I didn't feel like some legend turned flesh and blood. I felt like a mistake that needed editing. There was just something that wasn't right about this whole thing. Something beyond Bliss and my presence there. Like maybe something fundamental had changed and the Universe decided that reinforcements of some kind were needed.

As I was thinking this, working it out slowly in my mind, Frodo, Bilbo and Gandalf arrived to our little powwow. Elrond stood to introduce the hobbit to our mix of elves and dwarves and men.

"Here, my friends, is the hobbit, Frodo son of Drogo. Few have ever come hither through greater peril or on an errand more urgent." Bliss turned towards me to make a pompous face and I rolled my lips together to hide the smile.

Many more people were introduced, including Gimli and Glorfindel and Erestor and Legolas and Boromir. Elrond seemed ready to move on but no few people were cutting their eyes at Bliss and me furtively. The elf-lord sighed.

"These," he said, a bit less formally, "are Bliss and Phoenix, from distant country, seeking guidance." I smiled at the lie and Bliss coughed delicately as some of the men sniffed at our rather feminine presence. Assholes.

The dwarves began by reporting on the state of Moria and the disturbing visit from what I was pretty sure was a Black Rider, and his threats about the Ring. Then Elrond started to tell the very, very long tale about the History of Middle Earth and I zoned out a bit. It was like being back in high school. Only with more magic and less humor.

Not that I was bored. Completely. Just thinking a bit too much and not in a very studious mood, understand.

After Elrond came Boromir, with news from Gondor and his and his brother's dream. Aragorn stood up and was saying something about his broken sword but I was distracted by Bliss.

She was frowning and when I caught her eye, she mouthed, _I have a really bad feeling_, which, if you know Bliss, was something to pay attention to, as her feelings tended to be accurate. That sixth sense of hers had gotten us out of scrapes just in the nick of time back in the day and I mouthed back, _why, do you think?_ She shrugged but then I noticed Frodo get up and realized.

"Behold Isildur's Bane," Elrond intoned gravely and I flinched.

The Ring was very simple, like a wedding band. Except, you know, evil. Still, a weird, tense feeling briefly silenced the Council and I swallowed, turning my gaze to my hands and keeping my head down for what I think was a very long time.

Bliss, too, seemed totally out of the loop and we sat there as Gandalf and Bilbo and Frodo and the others all talked about the Ring and other various not-so-good stuff.

It was really weird, sitting there, paying half attention to what was going on around me and using the rest of my brain to think hard on stuff. I pieced together a pretty iffy idea of how exactly we had gotten there; a lot of the concept came from the Chronicles of Narnia and had to do with a little rift in the universe that Bliss and I had accidentally slipped through. I was also thinking about the Valar and God and wondering what this would mean on that front and then there was the whole question of if we would be going back and, if so, what would have happened there, which again brought to mind the Chronicles of Narnia.

At the same time, I listened as Bilbo told the story of his adventure, Gandalf shared about Saruman joining forces with Sauron and everyone discussed the fate of the Ring.

It was the silence that snapped my attention to the here and now. The noon bell was ringing but everyone seemed lost in thought. Bliss and I had faded to the end of the list of important things to talk about, which was fine with me.

"I will take the Ring," Frodo declared quietly. "Though I do not know the way."

Gandalf stood to stand by the hobbit. "I will help you bear this burden, Frodo Baggins, as long as it is yours to bear."

Aragorn rose to his feet as well and said, "If by my life or death I can protect you, I will. You have my sword."

"And you have my bow," Legolas joined.

Gimli leapt up next. "And my axe."

Legolas kept the disgust in his eyes, though I thought for a second he was going to swat at the dwarf.

"You carry the fate of us all, little one," Boromir added, standing. "If it is indeed the will of the Council, Gondor will see it through."

"Hey!" Sam cried, scaring the living shit out of everyone. "Mr. Frodo's not goin' anywhere without me."

Elrond's nostrils flared. "No, indeed, it is hardly possible to separate the two of you, even when he is summoned to a secret council and you are not."

Sarcasm! Quite possibly the first time anyone here had been ironic, other than me and Bliss. I found myself grinning.

"Oi! We're coming too!" Merry ran out from his hiding spot with Pippin. "You'd have to send us home tied up in a sack to stop us."

Oh, loyalty. Elrond looked marginally perturbed but never the less allowed them to join the party.

"Anyway, you need people of intelligence on this sort of mission..quest...thing," Pippin said blithely.

Merry muttered lowly, "Well, that rules you out, Pip."

Elrond's patience was starting to wear thin when Bliss stood up, dragging me behind her by my shirt sleeve. "I think we should go too," she announced saucily. The entire Council stared in disbelief.

"I disagree," I clarified, but no one was paying any attention to me.

Gandalf raised an eyebrow at Elrond, while Boromir looked about to revolt. For some reason (probably a suspicion that we were actually _supposed_ to go on the life-threatening journey, whereas I was sure we were there for a learning experience and not supposed to get anything hands-on), it was decided (I'm not sure how, as no one ever actually _said_ anything) that we would be going and Bliss and I took up spots by the gang.

"Eleven companions," Elrond murmured, eying our rather rag-tag group. "So be it. You shall be the Fellowship of the Ring."

Well don't I feel special. We were _so_ going to die.

"_Right_," Pippin cheered. "Where are we going?"

I sighed. "Death and doom," I muttered. Bliss kicked me.

It was some start.

**A/N: Hey special thanks to my few wonderful reviewers:** Firebender01, Laura, Laer4572, Zephyr, LM1991, Saeren, Blood Zephyr, Martiny the one and only still, marthafdg. **You guys are amazing and although I'm not together enough to reply, I appreciate y'all taking the time. The next few weeks are going to be rather crazy as I have BYBC and am getting my wisdom teeth out and then going to LA to help my sister move, but I'll try to get chapter six up in the next couple days. Thanks for reading, feel free to drop a review. **

**Cheers!**

**~Fred**


	7. Chapter 6

Chapter Six: Beyond the Wild Wood Comes the Wild World. Or not.

It's a common misconception that directly after the Council, the Fellowship packed up and headed off for Mordor. In fact, we waited for _two effing months_ before leaving Rivendell. Late October to late December. In Rivendell. Yay.

Nevertheless, Bliss was shaking me at the ass crack of dawn the day after our meeting, packed and dressed to leave.

"C'mon, Nix. We gotsta go," she said.

I glared at her with one eye, the other one buried in my pillow. "No. Two months. Reports," I groaned before rolling over.

"What?" Bliss demanded, but I was already asleep.

Later that morning, when the sun was actually up, I sat calmly in the kitchen (one of them anyway) minding my own business. Bliss, I think, had been unable to go back to sleep and was off...doing something. Not quite sure what. As I sat and picked at some sort of pastry thingie, there was a sudden clatter of panicked running and then two elves came bursting into the kitchen and slid under my table, hidden by the tablecloth.

"Shh," one pleaded, looking frighteningly similar to Elrond.

I began to open my mouth, then thought better of it and returned to shredding my pastry, trying to look innocent. To my surprise, Aragorn came storming down the staircase a few moments later.

"Phoenix?" he began, reminding me of an angry army sergeant. I pointed towards a pantry with a hidden door (I _know_) that Merry and Pippin and I had discovered on a midnight munchie attack.

He smiled stiffly and strode into the pantry. It occurred to me that the man strode very well. I looked away from where I'd been staring and directed my attention at the two elves, who were now dusting themselves off, out from under the table.

"Thank you. I am Elladan and this is my brother, Elrohir," one stated.

"Oh. Hey," I replied, holding my hand up in a quick "HOW" gesture. Freaking Peter Pan.

The second looked at the first with a smirk. "Do you know, Dan, I believe we owe this lady a favor."

"Do you?" the first one remarked drily.

"Yes, indeed. It's only fair," the second commented with a shrug.

Elladan, the first one, rolled his eyes and muttered briefly in a different language, which made me go "hey, different language." Look, I never said I was that bright, okay? "It seems we are indeed in your debt. Perhaps we can help you..."

"Learn swordplay," Elrohir suggested brightly. Elladan gave him a scathing, exasperated look and I bit my lip. "Well, they can't just rely on the menfolk to rescue them. And..." he trailed off into Elvish again. I watched them go back and forth for a few seconds and then they both turned to me with a smile.

"Well then!" Elrohir exclaimed cheerily. "Put some trousers on and we'll meet you and Lady Bliss in the courtyard in...twenty minutes?"

I nodded. "Okay."

"Right."

They both grinned again and I felt mildly stunned, as if I'd been set up. Maybe...nah. They weren't that conniving. Right?

Right.

I sashayed through the halls that I'd finally learned (well, I could get from me and Bliss' room to the kitchen and to the hobbits' rooms and to outside but that was it. Hey, it was a big freakin' place) and called out to Bliss.

"Bli-iss! I've got good ne-ews!" I sing-songed, entering our room.

"Lady Bliss isn't here."

"OH GOOD GOD!" I jumped about a foot in the air and spun, stumbling to get back into the hall.

Sam held his hands up as if in surrender. "Sorry! Strider wanted me to- Are you alright?"

"Sam," I gasped, pressing my hand against my chest. "You scared- the ever loving- holy crap."

The hobbit regarded me sheepishly. I laughed, over my fright. "Sorry. You really scared me there."

"It weren't my intention. Strider asked me where you were, if you were with Mister Pippin and Merry. They were out with Lady Bliss, though, and I told him I figured you were in your room. I"- He stuttered a bit, blushing. (Seriously, how cute is it when hobbits blush? SO CUTE.) "I decided to look and when I couldn't find you here..."

"Strider and I ran into each other in the kitchen. That's where I was, Sam." I grinned at the hobbit. "You don't have to worry."

Sam frowned. "Well, that's what Strider said. But I figure if he don't know where you are, I better check on it."

My grin widened. "Thanks, Sam. Let's go get Bliss and Merry and Pip, eh?"

He smiled and we set off for the gardens. Aww. The hobbits liked us.

* * *

It was a relatively simple task to whisk Bliss away from the hobbits and back to the room to change. Mainly, it consisted of saying, "hey, guess what? These two elf dudes are going to bang us around with swords!" In case you and your best friend are ever hanging out with some hobbits and you need to make an exit.

"Did you have a good morning?" Bliss asked, smirking in that way of hers. I sniffed without deigning to respond. How the hell would she know to smirk like that?

"Not responding just makes you more culpable."

"Shut the hell up." Dammit. How does she _do_ that?

It wasn't until we were wriggling into our respective trousers that I thought to turn the tables on her. "And what did you do this morning, hmm?"

"Nothing of consequence." Sure. "Who's the people teaching us this thing?"

I quirked my mouth up, slanting my eyes away from her. "Just a couple of elves...No one important." Except the sons of Elrond.

She sat with one boot half on her foot and gave me a look that meant somewhere down the line there would be panic if I did not answer her question.

"Not Legolas!" I reassured franticly. Her face relaxed and we continued to lace up the kick-ass elf-made boots we'd been given. Like the impressive spike heels from last Halloween, every time I looked at them I loved them more than ever before.

"You gonna stare at your shoes in raptures or come and learn how to hack a guy's head off with a sword?" Bliss called from the door.

I jumped up, suddenly feeling my sugary breakfast kick in. "Somehow, I doubt that we'll learn how to take a guy's head off. I mean, that's probably like, Badassery 204 or something."

For some reason, this made her shoot me a look from the corner of her eye; a "what is with you?" look that made me suspect she wasn't in the best of moods. We eyeballed each other as we walked, until it finally reached the point of ridiculousness and Spongebob quotes. I don't know why this happens, but it occurs a lot more than you'd think.

"We stole a balloon!" Bliss cried, right as we hit the courtyard with the twin elves. I doubled over laughing.

Elrohir's lips quirked but he managed, "I'm sure that's a grave offense where you come from."

"It is," I agreed, sobering fast. "Punishable by up to ten years in prison. And having to listen to Elrond's stories non-stop."

(Look, the elf-lord was all imposing and whatnot, but people here could _ramble_ and Elrond was one of those people...elves.)

Bliss snorted and the twins laughed outright, which was good because I'd hate to be beheaded. Not that this was the French Revolution or anything but you never knew what these crazy kids could come up with as punishment for blasphemy or whatever. I was serious about listening to Elrond blather on for years. Very painful for those of us with a low tolerance for that stuff.

Elladan took charge of the situation real quick after all the introductions had been made. "We'll begin our practice using an old training ground. The run should start to limber you up."

"Run?" Bliss repeated.

"Is there a problem?"

She threw me a look that said "you got us into this" and shook her head. We set off running, ready to become awesome sword masters. Or something. Thankfully, it was a short trip to the clearing...training place thing. Really, it was a somewhat circular patch of treeless dirt. Clearly, it had once been well-trimmed but now there was grass cropping up and autumn leaves littering the ground. Sunlight poured in, sending everything into sharp perfection. I sucked in a breath of crisp air and kicked at some of the leaves, briefly falling into a daydream of piling them up and jumping in them. The hobbits would totally be up for leaf jumping.

"Catch!" Elrohir yelled and tossed me a wooden sword from the sack he'd had over his shoulder. Which immediately made me think of Santa. And then Christmas. And then the holidays in general. Halloween was less than a week away. "First we start with bruises, then with cuts," Ro announced, misinterpreting my daze.

Learning how to use a sword is a bit like...well, it's a bit like going through a sort of ballet bootcamp, if you will. You do things that seem strange and are definitely painful, like practicing holding the thing. One-handed, two-handed, the differences between styles. I was not prepared for that. Then we lunged. And lunged. The twins explained that the constant repetition would ingrain it into our muscles, which I totally understood. It became a sort of exercise, where we would lunge and then hold it for an inordinate amount of time. Once we had the position perfect, we didn't move on but continued to practice it. Although we did chat, Ro and I, as he circled and corrected my form.

"So you and Elladan are twins," I prompted tentatively.

He smiled, nudging my knee into a deeper crouch. "Yes. The sons of Elrond and Celebrian."

I nodded, recalling their family tree suddenly. Galadriel and Celeborn, who had Celebrian, who married Elrond Half-Elven. They had the twins and Arwen. Speaking of...I needed to find a way to discover where the hell Arwen was. I kept forgetting, which was rather annoying since it was kind of important.

"Do you have any other siblings?" I asked, all innocence.

Ro was silent for a minute and I tensed more than I already was. I didn't want to offend him.

"Yes. A sister. She died."

I fell out of my lunge, biting my lip to keep from asking questions about the apparently dead Arwen. What. The. Fuck.

"Are you alright?" the elf inquired, clearly holding in a chuckle or two. I nodded.

"Yeah. My leg fell asleep is all."

Rather than help me up, he flopped down beside me. "Well, I think we deserve a break."

I snorted. "Yeah, you've been working so hard."

"I would watch what that cheek of yours. Someday, it will get you in trouble."

"Hey! Loafers!" Bliss broke in. "What's with this lazing around?"

Elrohir reached into his magic Bag O'Fun and pulled out lunch. "You are going to be very sore tomorrow, Lady Bliss. Have some dinner."

* * *

This continued for about two weeks, until the twins had to leave for a scouting mission. They were planning on a long trip and the delay of the Council and then our lessons meant they needed to travel swiftly. I hadn't known they were putting off leaving but whenever I tried to talk to them about it they sidetracked me. Sneaky buggers. There was something fishy with that. Bliss agreed with me.

"It does seem a bit suspicious," she allowed. "Maybe we can beat it out of them."

By this point, we'd learned all the basic positions and attacks and defenses and the twins were beginning to put it together. The day before they left, they called in Aragorn and Legolas to take over. Aragorn I could understand, as he'd grown up with them in Rivendell, but when they mentioned Legolas I had a feeling there was either a very sadistic streak in certain elves or they wanted us to begin bonding as a Fellowship. Either way, they were very tricky and I admired their tactics, although that admiration faded when the morning of our first change-over lesson dawned.

Both Bliss and I were tired, what with all the training and spending time with the hobbits and exploring. Also, we were sore. I mean, it was one thing to walk all day and have aching feet twenty-four/seven. It is a whole other to begin practicing swordplay. Like any unnatural hobby, you have to be slightly masochistic and quite insane to do it. Point being, we were getting nervous about losing Ro and Dan and gaining Aragorn and Legolas. Those two were definitely out of the realm of comfort. It would be an interesting day.

**A/N: Well. Here we are again. Another chapter finished. Now to begin chapter seven! Have an epic Thanksgiving! Drop a line if you have a comment. Next time we get into the first Aragorn/Legolas lesson...I wonder what will happen. Thanks for reading! Cheers!**

**~Fred**


	8. Chapter 7

Chapter Seven: Big Hard Sun

The day of our first training with Aragorn and Legolas began with me staring at the ceiling.

It was a nice ceiling, I suppose, without any spider webs or dust bunnies. Not distracting enough, though, for me to stop worrying about the coming practice. I was worrying for no good reason, I admonished myself. For the next few months, we'd be in close quarters with these boys, so it was better to get acquainted now. Getting to know the hobbits was one thing, however. These were discerning people, of great importance, not just a couple country lads who were as lost as me and Bliss.

"Phoenix?"

"Yeah?"

"It would be bad if we skivved off, wouldn't it?"

I sighed. "Yeah. They'd just hunt us down and make us listen to the history of the third tree from the right." Elrohir had actually done something close to this, but it was a story about how the makers of Rivendell had gathered its stones or something equally boring. Yay history. Always the best class for naps.

Bliss giggled and sat up. "Let's get ready, then. I can't sit here anymore."

I rose in agreement and we got ready for the day.

* * *

An hour later, Bliss and I stood awkwardly by our elves as they conversed in Elvish with Leggie and Strider. I had no idea what they were saying, since I didn't exactly _speak_ Elvish. They were being so casual, though, so blasé, that I had a feeling they were discussing us. Bliss narrowed her eyes at them and then turned to me and I could tell she was thinking, what the hell? I shrugged and she sighed quietly. With a slight smile, Legolas broke their little conversation to say, "Forgive us. We fell into an old argument and forgot our pupils."

"No worries," I answered with a light jab to Bliss' ribs to keep her in the moment. She smiled distantly.

"Well then," Ro began. "Let's take you through the steps you've learned, show these two what you know."

I nodded and Bliss muttered her assent. This looked promising. Aragorn and Legolas, however, had none of our reservations and jumped right into their new roles, correcting our posture and hold and generally getting all up in our business to the point of extreme uncomfort. For me, at least. Everytime I stepped into my fourth position, Aragorn would grab my wrist and tilt it about fifteen degrees. I personally couldn't tell the difference (which is probably why he constantly fixed it), but apparently _not_ tilting it would cause problems and the end of the world and whatnot. So as you can see, by the time the twins finished with our combinations and basics and got us past lunch and ready to try sparring, my mood was not pleasant.

"Now, the point in sparring is to set yourself against someone so you can learn the natural course of battle. How to defend against certain attacks and turn a block into a lunge. Everyone has their own sort of rhythm. So. Remember the positions but don't worry about performing them perfectly. If you've learned it well enough, it will be natural."

Dan smiled benevolently at Bliss and me, and I fought the urge to facepalm. This was going to be disastrous. Even Aragorn was looking less than hopeful as we collected our wooden swords and strapped on fingerless leather gloves (which were pretty much full of awesome. Sure, they were for protecting our palms from getting sores but they also looked really kick-ass).

"Dearly beloved," I muttered out of the side of my mouth to Bliss," we gather here to say our good-byes..."

She smirked. "Your good-byes, maybe. I'm a natural."

"Mm-hmm."

"Ready?" Ro asked me, flexing his fingers. Oh God. I nodded and attempted a smile, getting the feeling Aragorn was hiding a grin. Jerk.

It started slow and easy. Nice even. Ro lunged and I blocked and then he lunged again and I blocked again and...well, it went on like that for a while. The elf was patient and smooth and though I fumbled and got whacked a few times for my trouble, I didn't drop the thing and I didn't try anything crazy. At one point, after my first cautious try at lunging _back_ at Ro, he chuckled quietly and said, "You don't have to be quite so tentative, Nix. I won't actually kill you."

I frowned, blocking another advance. "That's not the point."

He sighed, looking rather exasperated, muttering to himself, "Of course, _I_ get the quiet one." Then, to me: "Look, just go with your instinct. Don't hold back."

"Sage advice from the invincible elf," I mumbled, but went ahead and attacked without hesitation. Four short minutes later, I found myself on my back, gasping. Aragorn's grinning face came into view and he reached down to give me a hand.

I sat up, wheezing, and sent a rather confused look at Elrohir. The elf smiled sheepishly back. "I believe I was a bit too eager for you."

"If I had a nickel everytime I heard that one." Aragorn and Elrohir blinked and I wondered if they got the insinuation.

* * *

A few hours later, I was grooving around our room while singing music from Grease and brushing my hair. Bliss, who hated that musical for no reason whatsoever, glared at me from her bed and I switched to Legally Blonde: The Musical. After the sparring session, Ro had given me some kind of tea to help with my Ro-smacking-me-in-the-head-with-a-fake-sword induced headache. The tea had done its work.

"Bruiser! Where is Elle?"

"_Phoenix_! Shut. Up."

"Sorry," I whispered, tripping over my left boot and falling on my ass. We both burst out laughing.

"What the hell was in that tea?" Bliss queried, right as someone knocked at the door. (Yes, I did almost say, the door knocked. But then I changed it. The tea didn't affect me that much.)

I opened the door in a slapdash manner to reveal Merry and Pippin. "HI," I said, my voice echoing in the hallway.

"What are you doing?" Pip asked, looking adorably confused.

I grinned. "Singing Legally Blonde: The Musical for the past three hours."

Bliss stood, nonplussed. "Nix, it's been three minutes. Sit down and chill."

"We were wondering if you'd like to grab a snack with us. Before bed. They made tarts today," Merry said, smiling.

"Oh, I thought I saw some sluts walking around," I quipped.

Bliss snorted. "That was probably your reflection. Tart."

I gasped. "Why don't you look in a mirror? Cupcake!"

"What's a cupcake?" Pippin interjected, sounding like Buddy the Elf (what's your favorite color?). So we journeyed to the closest kitchen to attempt to make cupcakes. And almost succeeded. We used little stone cups and wax paper (I was surprised too) but botched the (many) attempts at frosting. They were still delicious.

The next morning, I was awoken from my cupcake filled dreams by an elf splashing cold water on me. I bolted up with a rasp and a curse. Bliss managed a sleepy chuckle. "What the hell?" I sputtered, still groggy.

"Your training begins today. Get dressed."

I scrubbed at my face until a shirt landed in my lap. Aragorn had rifled through both Bliss and my drawers and extracted some (mismatched) clothes for us. He smiled and followed the damn elf out the door. I made a face at Bliss, who was staring in mild disbelief at the door. Annoyance sharpened her features but we both forced ourselves up and dressed grumpily.

"Assholes," I mumbled, retying my boot for the third time. "'Training begins today.' It began like, three weeks ago. What the hell time is it?"

Bliss glowered. "Maybe five. Sun's not up yet, that's for damn sure."

I knew that already, having run into various pieces of furniture and jetsam and was nursing several stubbed toes and bruised knees. Finally, I tied the damn knot right and stood to trudge out the door and face whatever doom had found us this time. The damn elf and the jerk-off ranger were waiting cordially outside our room, smiling congenially. Bliss and I glared, unable to voice our hatred for mornings; did this even count as morning? I was pretty sure that this part of the day had to be considered different, like hell-on-earth, or what-the-hell.

Anyway.

Aragorn and Legolas led us past the courtyard and into the still-sleeping forest, onto a light path. Instead of sword (stick, really) training, we began jogging. Endurance training, then. Oh goodie. Bliss and I obediently fell into line and proceeded silently as the woods around us woke up. Neither of us ever had any patience for running, although Bliss took boxing classes and I walked practically everywhere in town. I had Spring Awakening stuck in my head, however, and watched the earth beneath my feet (I tended to fall if I didn't pay any attention to where I placed me feet; although I also fell when I paid too much attention. But usually it just happened on stairs. Don't ask me why.) while singing along to Totally Fucked. So it took a long moment for me to realize that Aragorn and Bliss had disappeared from sight.

"Where did the other half of our party go?" I wondered aloud.

Legolas glanced back and slowed slightly to run next to me. "Bliss got bored and started, er...well anyway she and Aragorn are...scouting ahead. As a sort of...impromptu lesson. In scouting."

"Hmm." I shot the damn elf a look. He wasn't exactly smooth. "Aragorn's got more patience for the stubborn foreign girls, eh?"

He smiled. "Something like that."

As we crested the next hill, Bliss and Aragorn were revealed, waiting for us. He was wearing that all-knowing smirk and I tamped down my urge to kick him in the shins. Bliss seemed resigned to the torture they had lined up for us and we returned to our jogging, now with our shadows stretching out long in front of us as we headed back to the city.

"Lesson one," Aragorn informed us as we caught out collective breath back in the courtyard (I'd never been so happy to see a hobbit). "A warrior is nothing without his or her legs."

"And lesson two?" I retorted snippily.

Legolas smirked a tiny smirk. "Don't get lost. Run that path every morning."

And with that, our lessons with the damn elf and the jerk-off ranger began in earnest. Running in the morning, swordplay and archery in the afternoon. Ah, the life of a random girl getting dumped in Middle Earth. Such fun.

* * *

**A/N: Hi. It's after midnight. But this is done. So. Yay. Good. Joy. All that business. I'm sorry it's been so long. I hope you still like it. There's plenty more to come. Ugh. Still getting over the flu. So if any of this seems...more off the wall than usual, blame the cold medicine. The one I haven't taken yet. Anyway. Legally Blonde: The Musical (I always want to put an exclamation point after that) is playing. Be positive. **

**Okay. Right. Back on track. Jesus. So. Thank you very much for reading and please feel free to drop a line, share any thoughts or general comments. It's always much appreciated. You guys rock so hard, you have no idea. Also, don't make any big hair decisions based on love. They end in disaster. But. Anyway. Sorry. The ramble. It...anyway. Thanks! Cheers! Check in again soon...or maybe not so much. Well. **

**~fred**


	9. Chapter 8

Chapter Eight: A Small Adventure

"Hello Seattle, I am a mountaineer...in the hills and highlands," I belted.

...

Actually, you know what, forget chapter eight. It doesn't matter. You don't need to hear it. It's useless. The only redeeming factor is the occasional funny line. To quote Inigo Montoya, "let me explain; no, it is too much, let me sum up."

We began our training with Aragorn and Legolas in earnest, running and fighting and eating with the hobbits, all that jazz. At some point later in our training, Boromir happened upon us and was very...misogynistic. Bliss took it upon herself to kick some respect straight to his balls and, I'm not sure any of us know exactly how it happened, but Boromir started to spend quite a bit of time with us. (Half the time, he looked like he'd been Confunded. This led me to the realization that if we ever returned home, I was finding a shirtless poster of Tom Felton and throwing myself at it.) Anyway, point being Boromir became less of a jerk and more of a buddy and our training continued and so did our friendship with the hobbits and I got a cold, which just goes to show that even in fucking Middle Earth, the universe is out to get me.

* * *

**A/N: I know. I know. Cop-out. Crap chapter. I understand. Allow me to dump on you for a moment. Feel free to skip this and become irate before returning to other activities. My best friend and I write stories (like this one) and read them together and it's just our thing. At least it was. She graduated and although she's not going to college, we have not spent as much time together as we used to and she has a new best friend she takes on family camping trips and who goes to her family birthday and who has basically taken my place and it just sucks. Also, I got rejected from my top college pick and that's messed me up rather severely and I am just at a loss. So I am sorry to you guys for sucking. I'm just...you get it. In Suckshitville for the moment, I guess. But I'm trying and I'll not give up on this story because I love it. But also I've been rereading Harry Potter, which for some reason, doesn't mix well with LOTR. But anyway. **

**That's that. I'll try to update soon. And, real quick: in case you haven't noticed, there's a fair bit of cussing going on here. Make no mistake, I don't add cuss words to increase my cool factor. That's just part of this story. I'm sorry if you don't like that, I really am, but it's not going to change. Please don't harass me over it. Not that anyone has, just as a heads-up. Thanks. **

**Cheers! ~fred**


	10. Chapter 9

Chapter Nine: Steady as She Goes

Eventually all the scouts trickled back in and plans were made and one night late in December the Fellowship was called to meet. I'd been entertaining myself (and Bliss) with the hobbits in between training (and no, I don't want to talk about how goddamn sore I am because if I start I will never stop) but Gimli had taken to eating dinner with us. So it was with no little trepidation but significantly less shyness that I followed Bliss into the library with the boys.

"We leave tomorrow," Gandalf announced, rather more somberly than I wanted him to sound. "Make any preparations tonight, we will have no time tomorrow. Be at the courtyard at dawn."

I closed my eyes, holding back a groan. All that good sleep… Bliss, however, swelled with excitement, knocking her knee into mine with a smile. At long last, all our training and working and slaving away, all of it was coming down to this moment. Our departure. The first step.

I wanted to puke.

Boromir sat fingering his scruffy chin darkly. "And what is our road?"

Wait. Did we not know where we were going? I racked my brain, but the only thing Bliss and I'd been told was "Morder" followed by a quick "now get going, daylight's wasting." (Men.) But surely, someone other than Gandalf knew the path we needed. Surely there had been a discussion. (That we, at least, hadn't been invited to attend.)

"East," Gandalf was answering. "We will go by way of the Gap of Rohan and from there down the Andulien. And into Mordor."

"Promising," Bliss muttered in my ear. The hobbits seemed to have similar thoughts; their whispered conversation briefly drew the attention of the menfolk. Boromir, Aragorn, Legolas, Gimli and Gandalf all turned to stare Bliss, the hobbits and me into silence. I raised my hands to shoulder level, palms out as Bliss pulled back slightly, looking equally affronted. Someone let out a long suffering sigh and I barely resisted the urge to roll my eyes. Ugh, _men_.

"You may leave," Gandalf harrumphed gruffly, rooting through his robe to produce his pipe. I narrowed my eyes at the five of them before turning to the door with a puff and a huff. This was the last thing I wanted to do; even as I recalled that a few months ago this adventure would have been heaven, I could feel my stomach turn with the thought of leaving our safe haven. I was a book worm; _real_ adventure did not suit me. Bliss' eyes were gleaming as we tromped back to our room and I knew, deep in the part of me that knew I should have apologized to my parents years ago, that this was perfect for her. She was in her element and, stuck as I was, I'd rather follow her and keep her out of trouble than stay safe, in Imladris or at home.

Sitting in our room, I stared at the pile of stuff I needed to shove into the rucksack I'd been given. My old clothes had been cleaned and were folded neatly next to a pair of leggings, a couple shirts and a heavy cloak. We _would_ be travelling in the dead of winter. I briefly cursed whatever god had decreed that I be raised in the South and began schlepping things into my pack. My jeans and Chucks I laid carefully at the bottom (those jeans might need to last a very long time and they made my ass look fabulous). The rest was piled in haphazardly, the few clothes, the one book I'd had with me in Gnarly Dicks (_Jellicoe Road_) and the other odds and ends from my purse. To see my life reduced to what could fit inside a backpack both thrilled and depressed me. As long as I kept thinking about Fight Club and how materialistic the world was, I would remain calm. Or something like that.

Bliss had disappeared at some point prior to my packing and only returned after I'd finished, towing a rather sheepish looking Aragorn behind her. He dragged his feet just slightly and curiosity had me quirking an eyebrow. Bliss was carrying two long, thin packages. Oh dear.

"C'mon, Nix, they were made specially!" she trilled, dumping one into my lap before bopping down next to me on the bed.

"What is it?" I leveled my gaze at Aragorn.

"Open and find out."

I cut my eyes at Bliss, who was carefully pealing back the linen wrappings, and began to dig at my own…thing. A sword rolled out and I managed to cup my hand around it before it could fall, leaving a thin slice along my palm. I gasped softly and Aragorn shot me a look as Bliss murmured over her own sword. There were runes inscribed in her blade as well as on the guard, leaving mine looking far less ornate a thing; the only detail was some Elvish script on the hilt that I swept my fingers over admiringly.

"What does it mean?" I whispered, too quietly to hear.

"Yeah, what does it say?" Bliss piped up louder, having caught my words either because of our proximity or our telekinetic mind meld.

Aragorn cleared his throat, hovering over us like an anxious mother hen. "On the hand guard is a blessing, Bliss. On the blade is part of the legend."

I raised an eyebrow. "Two men enter, one man leaves?" I ventured. He laughed, rubbing a hand on the top of my head like you would a cat…or a Buddha's belly. With a clap on Bliss' shoulder, he left us to ponder at our new gifts and worry about the next day. I worried, at least. Bliss was thinking furiously, tapping her fingers on the empty scabbard hanging from her belt (we'd been wearing empty scabbards for almost three weeks, for what purpose I don't know).

"Bliss?"

"…"

"Bliss."

"We should get to bed. Early morning." She slithered off the bed and began the process of tugging off boots and clothes and packing it all away for our leave taking the next day. I sat as she packed, staring mulishly at the script on my new sword. "Specially made." It didn't give me much confidence. Then again, what did? Sighing, I sheathed my sword and got ready for bed. It would be the last night I got to sleep in comfort for a long time.

* * *

Morning came far too soon after I fell asleep, waking to first to Bliss' internal alarm clock and then, soon after, to my own. I washed and dressed quickly in heavy trousers, my own ratty shirt and the beautiful, beautiful boots. My wet hair I tied up as best I could, wishing I could shove it under a hat or _something_. The cloak was fastened at my neck, my pack was on my back and my sword was hanging attentively at my side. Surveying Bliss, who looked similar, I couldn't help but think how ready we must have seemed, how capable. Tightening my belt, I almost felt it too, as excitement lit my belly. Elanor was fussing over Bliss, tucking her hair back under a headband and piling more supplies into both our packs. Finally she stepped back, regarding us with a stern smile.

"Be safe. I shan't be running after you, keeping you out of trees. You'll have to take care of each other."

I smiled and hugged her, taking comfort from the brief friend I'd made in this unknowable world. "We'll be fine. And don't think I didn't notice the dress you snuck in there. Really, what use am I going to have for a dress?"

She smiled again. "More use than you know." She cupped my cheek in her hand and murmured something in elvish before kissing me swiftly on the forehead and sending me out the door. Bliss followed and as we walked to the courtyard, I swear I saw Elanor swipe at her eyes.

Half of us were gathered quietly in the yard as Bliss and I sashayed up. Bliss shot Legolas a glower befitting a dwarf and he returned it coolly. We stood among our companions, apprehension tightening shoulders and making me scuff my boots in the dirt. The hobbits appeared and Bill the pony was laden with his extra burdens. We waited for Gandalf in near complete silence.

When at last he showed up, Elrond was at his side. "This is my last word," he declared to us quietly. "The Ring-bearer is setting out on the Quest of Mount Doom. On him alone is any charge laid: neither to cast away the Ring nor to deliver it to any servant of the Enemy nor indeed to let any handle it, save members of the Company and Council and only then in gravest need. The others go with him as free companions, to help him on his way. You may tarry or come back or turn aside into other paths as chance allows. The further you go the less easy will it be to withdraw; yet no other bond is laid on you to go further than you will. For you do not yet know the strength of your heart and you cannot foresee what each may meet upon the road."

I cast Bliss a glare. She may have gotten us into this mess, but I would be the one to get us out. Or suffering the consequences. Such is our relationship. "Faithless is he that says farewell when the road darkens," Gimli said. He and Elrond Confucius-ed and I sighed, sick of the anticipation.

"But go now with good hearts. Farewell and may the blessing of Elves and Men and all Free Folk go with you. May the stars shine upon your face!" Elrond called.

Boromir blew his great horn and then we at last filed out of the Last Homely House.

* * *

With all the buildup and suspense, our leaving Elrond's lands was kind of…anti-climactic. We simply started walking, following Gandalf and Aragorn until nightfall. Legolas was our rearguard, never tiring and having keen elf eyes. In this way, we travelled for quite a while, trudging along and talking very little. I pestered Aragorn and Gandalf and Legolas about the legend and about the inscription on my hilt but none of them were talking. I even went so far as to ask Frodo but all he seemed able to figure out were the words "star" and "path."

After two weeks of steady travel we reached Hollin. For the first time the boys in front let us light a fire. We were close to the Gap now and resting for a noon meal. Boromir had Merry and Pippin practicing with their short swords while Aragorn smoked and watched. I settled beside him, leaving the sword by my pack so I could sit back on my elbows without it prodding me in the ribs. "Move your feet," Aragorn instructed around his pipe. Merry congratulated Pip on his foot work and progress and I grinned at them.

"If anyone were to ask my opinion, which I _note_ they're _not_," Gimli began. Rolling my eyes, I tuned him out. Boromir had accidently knicked Pip and he and Merry leapt upon the man. I laughed with Aragorn until he stood to try and stop the ruckus.

"Gentlemen," he started but Pip and Merry turned and pulled his feet right out from under him. I nearly died laughing, catching Bliss' eye and cackling all the more for the grin she had. He rolled upright and shook himself before shooting me a glare. "Hush, girl."

"What is that?" Frodo asked, squinting into the distance. We all turned to watch the eastern sky.

"Nothing, it's just a wisp of cloud," Gimli grumped.

I meandered over by Bliss with Aragorn, Boromir and the hobbits trailing after. "It's moving fast. And against the wind," Boromir observed.

"Crebain, from Dunland!" Legolas announced.

"Hide!"

Out went the fire, thrown under rocks with our bags and then we dashed into the closest hiding spots we could find. Aragorn tugged me down by him and Frodo. Bliss was huddled next to Boromir. I shivered slightly. Birds have always given me the creeps. As they flew over us, cawing like heinous demons, I squeezed my eyes shut. Frodo slipped his hand briefly into mine. Thank God for hobbits.

Gandalf emerged first, bellowing, "spies from Saruman!" Aragorn lifted Frodo and me up onto our feet and I leaned against a rock, casting my eyes over the rest of the company. "The passage south is being watched. We must take the path of Caradhras."

No longer light hearted, we packed up quickly with little fanfare, checking over shoulders nervously and startling at every noise. I heaved my pack back on, patting down my front, sure I had forgotten something. Aragorn appeared at my side with my sword, a distant frown etched on his face. "Do not forget her," he said. "It would be a hard loss."

I grimace-smiled at him and he tied the scabbard onto my belt for me, careful not to brush my hip. "What does it mean?" I asked softly when his fingers paused over the runes.

He looked at me a long moment before turning away. "I will tell you when we have more time and comfort for talking. For now we must be on the move."

Damnation.

* * *

It was already damn cold at the pass; up the mountain I was sure I would die. Bliss, wrapped in her warm cloak, was happy enough to snuggle in on herself and enjoy the snow. Legolas nanced atop it like a ballerina and I shared bitter glares with the hobbits at his good fortune. Merry and Pippin were huddled with Bliss and I held onto Frodo by his small shoulders as we pushed further up-mountain. I could feel Aragorn a few paces behind me but the work made it next to impossible for my mind to wander. The trek up the pass was growing exponentially harder and I was perversely grateful.

Legolas flitted from front of the pack to the back, until there was too much snow to be quite sure of our way and he took up permanent residence by Gandalf. Aragorn and Boromir were pushing aside snow in front of Bliss, the hobbits and me, and I was eternally thankful for their bulk and heft. I was panting, grasping Frodo around the chest now with Sam curled under my arm. There was a faint yell from Gandalf, a reply from Aragorn and then the mountain creaked and groaned and fell. Bliss and I managed to exchange a glance before being simultaneously buried and throwing ourselves and the hobbits under the shelter of the rock.

It was like being pulled down by an undertow. I thrashed wildly for a moment, unable to place up or down or where the air would be. Someone latched onto my elbow and forced me to the top of the swell of snow and I sucked in a deep breath that was half snow and ice. Boromir pulled Bliss to the surface next and then turned to the head of the group.

"We must get off the mountain, make for the Gap of Rohan! Or take the West Road to my city!"

"The Gap of Rohan takes us too close to Isenguard, "Aragorn argued, close behind me with the hobbits. I grabbed blindly for one of them and we shivered together.

"If we cannot go over the mountain let us go under it," Gimli countered. "Let us go through the Mines of Moria."

Bliss widened her eyes at me. We both remembered the Moria portion of the book. It wasn't pretty.

"Let the Ringbearer decide," Gandalf said firmly.

There was a long pause.

"We will go through the Mines."

"So be it."

Now the only problem was getting back down the mountain, find the entrance to the death mines and make our way through caves to the other side of this great stupid hill. No problem.

* * *

**A/N: Hi. It's been a damn long while. And I am sorry. I am in my second semester of college, and that pretty much tells you how things are. Hoping to update with slightly more frequency. But God only knows. Thank you for sticking around and giving me your time, I hope this doesn't disappoint. 3 **

**Always, **

**Fred**


	11. Chapter 10

Chapter Ten: Keep Bleeding til the Day You Die

* * *

We were in a bit of a fix. And not because Merry and Pippin had hidden carrots in Gimli's beard, braids and pockets again. No, we were stuck on a hostile mountaintop, half covered in snow, and fixing to backtrack and travel through mines that probably housed horrors worse than my great-aunt Elaine at a wedding where my dress revealed one of my tattoos. And my great-aunt Elaine had been in the Navy. We stood shivering in the snow for a few long minutes, pondering how the hell we were going to make this work and my toes gradually began to disappear. At least, it felt like they were teleporting out of my boots, probably to Hawaii. Or the Middle Earth equivalent of Hawaii. Sam shuddered and pressed closer to me. Shit. Where was Bill?

"Sam! Where's Bill?" I thrashed wildly for a hot second (as much as I was able to thrash, covered to my waist in snow).

Sam twisted his neck to frown at me. "He's just at the back. Look."

I turned. The pony flicked his ears at me wearily and I ducked my head. Sometimes I didn't think things through entirely. Most of the time, actually, I was just being incredibly stupid. Sam, having calmed my panic (and gotten used to half-crazed moments like this long ago), returned his attention to the front of the line, where Boromir had apparently made a decision.

"Well, when heads are at a loss, bodies must serve, as we say in my country. The strongest of us must seek a way."

I exchanged a glance with Bliss. She was about to say something, but Boromir, followed by Aragorn, was slogging through the snow towards us, clearing a path for the rest of us mere mortals. And with them was the immortal elf, who didn't need a path because he was an elf and he never sank and he didn't mind the snow or the cold and blah blah blah, elves are so superior to humans. I was bitter about the soaking my poor boots were getting. Nevermind that they weren't leaking so even if my feet were probably vacationing in Hawaii, they were doing so dry. The boots were never going to be the same. They would have psychological scars.

Hell, at this point, I would have psychological scars.

"No me gusta la nieve."

Bliss turned her eyes to mine, looking amused. "Excuse me?"

"I do not like the snow."

"So no snowball fight, then?"

I scowled. "It's not funny, _Ed_."

"Cactus butt!"

We fell over each other laughing, for reasons I'm still not sure of. The hobbits looked so confused. I stopped cackling abruptly, realizing that these poor souls had never met Mufasa. Never had, and never would. In Middle Earth, there is no James Earl Jones. Bliss ended her giggles with a sigh, gazing out at the foggy, snowy, generally unappealing landscape.

"Let's not go to Camelot. Tis a silly place," she said.

I took a moment to process, rolling my neck to stare at the craggy mountain above us. Pippin asked, in a whisper, what Camelot was. "Tis but a flesh wound!"

Bliss looked at me. I looked at Bliss. We dissolved into laughter again, and I sunk down further into the snow, laughing just to have something to do. What, I wondered, was wrong with us? Must be the snow, I answered myself. It does things to people.

"Phoenix?" Boromir's frowning, disapproving face appeared above my hidey snow hole. "You should try to keep out of the snow. Else you may never leave it."

I popped out of the snow hole like a daisy, sick to death of snow and aching to watch The Lion King. Legolas was smirking like he had just destroyed a Horcrux and I narrowed my eyes at him. What was there to be smirky about? Certainly nothing in my view. Bah.

"Well," he said. "I have not brought the sun but our path is clear and soon ahead the snow grows less."

I grumbled and muttered under my breath, trying to push myself on top of the snow or at least to a point where my legs weren't surrounded by frozen death. No luck. I sighed, leaning closer to Sam when he was suddenly taken away from me by Aragorn. I yelped, forgetting that Aragorn was not a kidnapping rapist and that Sam would be fine with him, and batted at the poor man for a half second before dropping my arms. "Oh. Sorry."

The two simply gave me a shared look of long-suffering but Boromir had Merry and Pippin and was beginning to trudge back down the mountain so Aragorn grabbed Frodo and hefted his two wee burdens after his kin. My legs were numb at this point and I slumped into the half ice, half rock wall of the mountain as we began our own trek down the mountain. Bliss finished a drink from our canteen and offered it to me.

"I'm okay."

"Nix. If you dehydrate, I will skin you. Drink." She and Legolas watched me take a long pull and my knee twitched, reminding me of how long it has been since there had been two people worrying about me at the same time.

Silence sat on top of our group, leaving me to my thoughts. Bliss and the elf didn't get along as well as the rest of us, for reasons I'm not sure any of us fully comprehended. In this moment, though, they looked like concerned parents, each frowning at me until they were satisfied I had drunk enough and then standing uncomfortably next to each other, Bliss half-submerged in snow, and the elf glancing from me to her to his boots. Bliss, I knew, held grudges past forever and knowing how Legolas, though lovely and earnest, could fumble up the simplest exchanges in more informal settings (it was actually quite endearing, when you could read between his awkwardness), it was easy to see how they clashed. Why they continued to avoid each other, however, was beyond me.

"Can we never, ever, go to any mountains ever again? Jesus." Bliss sighed, sliding on a patch of ice, though Legolas quickly caught her by the hood of her cloak.

"Perhaps you will find the mines more welcoming," he muttered, managing to pout and scowl at the same time while still looking prettier than Marilyn Monroe, Elizabeth Taylor and Audrey Hepburn put together. Bastard. I glanced at Bliss, quirking an eyebrow before continuing. Gimli and Gandalf were behind me, discussing the mines and Gimli's family. He said something about a brother and the pang in my chest surprised me. My older brother and only sibling had died in Afghanistan while I was in college and while back home I missed him every day, here it was easier to forget about my family. Things from the past seemed pale in comparison to the trials of Middle Earth, not in stature but in memory. I realized suddenly, with a jolt, that I no longer belonged completely to my own world. There was a disconnect between us now that would be felt even if we were sent back.

My train of thought was suddenly interrupted when I banged headlong into Aragorn's broad back. I stumbled back on the mix of snow and rock that was now underfoot, almost landing on my ass, but he whirled sharply and latched onto my arm, twisting it hard in order to keep me upright. When we were both steady, he dropped his grip, staring almost guiltily at me before Bliss came over to investigate. Something in my elbow had popped but it bent and straightened and I must not have looked too damaged because she returned to Boromir with only a frown in my direction.

Aragorn watched her go before studying me closely. "Are you alright?"

"Yeah, fine. Just wasn't paying attention," I said, hastening to add a smile. It felt more like a grimace but he let it go and I sighed, swaying for a moment on the edge of the campsite. Legolas came to stand next to me and I leaned against him unconsciously, too tired to resist.

"Did you know," he began slowly, "that you and Bliss sing the same songs under your breath as you walk?"

I grinned. "I didn't, but it doesn't surprise me."

"How did you meet? Or did you simply discover each other in a forest and realize how alike you are?" He glanced at me with a wry smile.

"Our parents were friends. They lived in a…a separate community from most of the rest of the population and before that our mothers grew up together."

He nodded deliberately and added, "You act like sisters."

"We were raised like sisters. Saw each other every day up until I went away to school. It's part of the reason she doesn't like mountains. She hated visiting me."

"It's good that you have each other here."

That struck me and we stood in silence as I let it settle. Bliss was setting out her bedroll next to Pippin, chatting together as Merry and Sam conferred over the cooking fire with Frodo looking on and laughing. Aragorn and Gandalf were sitting and smoking pipes with Gimli as Boromir stalked around them, looking thunderous over something or other and practically snarling at Aragorn. Boys. Shaking myself slightly, I made my way to Bliss and the hobbits, leaving the elf standing watch at the edge of the firelight.

* * *

Our first night off the mountain should have been lovely, full of sleep and warmth. While I could ignore the bickering between some of the boys, the rocks trying to stab me through my bedroll and even the wind sneaking into every crevice and mussing my already disgusting hair, it was impossible to sleep through the attack. I jolted awake to see Aragorn, sword drawn, striding back from the darkness surrounding our camp. He paused close to me to sheath his sword and catch his breath and I sat up a bit, swiping haphazardly at my hair. "What happened?"

"Just a few wolves. They're gone for now. Go to sleep." I cut my eyes at Gandalf but he was sitting quietly without looking at either of us so I huddled back under my blankets and fell into the kind of sleep you get after you dream you're going to be late for the SATs the next morning.

The next time, everyone was woken up and told to stand with backs to the fire. Bliss' gaze found mine before we both took up positions next to each other, tense shoulders brushing. Still partially asleep, I took things in in blinks, spotting my boots next to my rumpled blankets, Boromir laying a hand on Bliss' shoulder, Sam wielding his frying pan. That, for some reason, snapped me into real time and I adjusted my grip on my sword as the sounds of wargs grew.

Before I had time to be nervous, they were on us and I was hacking at them, my body remembering what my mind didn't. Neither Bliss nor I was very graceful in our movements but we stayed together and managed to slice into two or three before Gandalf, apparently fed up with our slow tactics, sent out a burst of fire that had them running for the hills. I jerked into a more upright position and shared a look with Bliss.

"What did I tell you, Mr. Pippin? Wolves won't get him," Sam commented. "That was an eye opener and no mistake. Nearly singed the hair off my head."

Bliss grinned at me and then we were laughing, leaning against the other's shoulder as we tried to quiet our guffaws. Aragorn and Boromir approached us with tired smiles and rags to clean off our bloodied swords.

"It's an old tradition to name your sword at first blood," Aragorn explained lightly.

Boromir knocked his shoulder into mine. "You needn't name it after me, though."

Aragorn glanced at him then turned back to Bliss and me. "Well?"

"Tinuviel," I said after a moment. I was staring down at her, now clean, feeling both the men's eyes on me. Bliss, with her exceptional timing, chimed in with a smirk.

"Grim Reaper."

I grinned at her and we barely managed to keep from laughing before the boys sent us stumbling back to our bedrolls for a glorious three hours of sleep.

* * *

**A/N: Oh my. XD Remember how the last chapter there was snow? Two days later, my campus was _covered_ in snow. It was both magical and awful. Also, it snowed like three inches on the first day of spring. ALL I WANT IS WARMTH, OKAY. **

**Sorry. It's late, I'm sick and...still at college. Spring break was awesome though. And can we just all agree that bisexual boys make everyone want to pull their hair out? Yes? Okay then. Sorry again. I'm rather appalled that these chapters are...short. So I'm going to attempt to make them longer, which should be easier? Maybe? Hopefully? I don't know anymore. Leave me a note if you think it sucks or it's fantastic or...whatever. I'm tired. Thank you for reading and spending time; you are lovely and beautiful and you matter. :) Never forget that. **

**Cheers! Fred**


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